Sunday, March 29, 2015

This life gets harder!

I am feeling like shit lately! My depression seems to be resistant to treatment and my anxiety hits me out of nowhere. My fibromyalgia is really getting to me and I either cannot find anyone who accepts my insurance, treats fibro patients, or will see me if I don't qualify for injections. What kind of shit is that! Sorry, I am not feeling my nice self lately.

My neck, shoulder, and lower back have been really hurting and I even had a severe endo flare this month that felt like I was about to give birth to an unknown child! I have been in bed more than out and I hate it. It almost takes an act of The Heavenly Father to get me out of the house. Doing my YouTube videos makes me happy, so I try to keep up with that.

The Social Security determination process is adding to the stress. You have to fill out all these forms and call them for phone interviews, in hopes that at the end of the mess, they don't tell you no. Another factor! Not being able to pay bills because I'm not working...another factor. All this crap adds up to more pain and more depression, oh and much more anxiety! Who knows how to get through this without jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge??? Not that I can because I live in the Mid-Atlantic States! I'm just saying, I'm about to fracture into several different people. One for each situation that I have to deal with. One for each stressor!

Nothing seems to be getting better. The good thing is I don't want to kill myself, thought I still feel like I don't want to be here sometimes. Will be making a call to my therapist because we need to talk.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Disability, Social Security, and Those Who Have F%$#ed It Up For Us!

So. I spoke with a representative from the Social Security Administration Disability Determination division. Why is it that speaking to these people make you feel like you are on the spot? Why does it scare me to let these people know that I need help in order to get better? I know how bad I feel, but why am I intimidated because I may have to see a doctor that they contract to see if I am truly unable to work?

It's because I feel like my life is in their hands! They have the power to say yay or nay as to whether or not I will get the government help I need. And, I have to wait months to possible hear no. That is pressure! I think that I am hating on people who worked the system and made it bad for those of u who really need help. Those who have faked their way to a government payment so much, that we have to go through a firing squad to get what we legitimately need. I am hating on those who are sitting at home, getting all of the benefits that we need, and nothing is wrong with them! They get section 8 or public housing and can get their asses up and go to work and pay for these things when we truly cannot and have to wait years for these benefits because they have clogged the system.

Well the wait begins. And my life is on hold. And I could still be told no. And I'm scared.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Sometimes, you just get sooo fed up!

This is a part of the whole bullshit. Fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety all leave you feeling raw and angry. Check out this video on my depression and anxiety and you'll see what I mean!

Saturday, September 20, 2014

New Fibromyalgia YT Video

Check out my recent YT video on my frustrations with Fibromyalgia. Please feel free to leave comments or link your own videos to mine. I would love to hear your stories.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

My Experiences So Far With This Fibro Thing

Hmm, let's talk about fibromyalgia. This has been my worst week so far. The pain is gnawing at me, the Tramadol isn't working, And to top it off, more anxiety to flare my symptoms! I also think my depression is affecting my fibro symptoms, especially my cognitive abilities. Don't you hate it when you sound dumb because you just can't string your words together to make an understandable thought????

Actually, it has been a painful few weeks. Stair walking is a challenge. Long car rides are excruciating, and walking the poor doggie gets done when I feel up to it...which hasn't been very much lately.I feel like a 99 year old. My joints and muscles hurt. My fingers are painful and stiff. I am exhausted most of the time, but CANNOT sleep at night...ever!

I called my provider's office to make an appointment to discuss my symptoms. After three days and a call back to her office, she had a staff member to tell me that she was mailing me a referral to rheumatology for chronic pain. I was told that the doctor didn't address whether or not she would see me urgently. So, I decided to get a jump on finding a providers in my neck of the woods. That was an experience! I called several offices who either didn't do widespread pain appointments, only spinal injection or they don't treat fibromyalgia patients. I was literally told that in order for the receptionist to make an appointment for me, I would have to have another reason for my pain. I'm feeling some discrimination going on here!

I finally found a pain management center in my office, which is run by an anesthesiologist. I have an appointment for next Thursday. I hope to come home with a clear understanding of how I will be treated and a hope that things will get better. Fingers crossed!

Hopefully I will be able to share some things that make me feel better because behind all of this drama, I am still a girly girl!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

A Little Info on Fibro...

Disclaimer: The information contained in this blog is strictly that; information. I am putting out this blog to share my experiences and knowledge that I have gained while researching my own health care conditions. I am not a doctor. This blog is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice or treatment from a doctor who is familiar with your condition.  If you feel that you have some of these symptoms, or any other symptoms for that matter, PLEASE CONSULT YOUR PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN FOR ADVICE AND FOLLOW UP.

Today, I will be focusing on the signs and symptoms of Fibromyalgia. While I won’t be getting into Endometriosis right now, it is important to note that there is co-morbidity between Fibromyalgia and Endometriosis: Meaning that many women who have Fibromyalgia, also suffer from Endometriosis. Many women, me being one, have started our journeys with undiagnosed pelvic pain. I will get more into detail on the symptoms of Endometriosis in a future blog.

Fibromyalgia is not a new disorder. It has been around since Biblical days. According to the article “History of Fibromyalgia” by Karen Lee Richards at the website, the earliest description of Fibro can be found in the book of Job 7:3-4 and 30:16-17. A quote from Richards’ HealthCentral article states “I, too, have been assigned months of futility, long and weary nights of misery. When I go to bed, I think, `When will it be morning?' But the night drags on, and I toss till dawn…And now my heart is broken. Depression haunts my days. My weary nights are filled with pain as though something were relentlessly gnawing at my bones.” (Job 7:3-4 and 30:16-17 - NLT)” (p. 1) Doesn’t that sound like what some of us are going through?!

According to Richards (p. 2) the term Fibromyalgia was first known as fibrositis in 1904, named by Sir William Gowers. Fibrositis means inflammation of fibers. The term held up until 1976, when it was given its current name: Fibromyalgia. The reason for the term change is that no doctors could actually find inflammation, making the previous term incorrect. Fibromyalgia means pain in the muscles and tissues.

In the book “Living Well with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia” by author Mary J. Shomon, some of the most common symptoms of Fibromyalgia are (this list is by no means complete, there is an exhaustive list of Fibro symptoms):

v Widespread body pain for at least three months. The pain should be bilateral (on both sides of the body) and upper and lower body pain. Pain at the cervical spine, anterior chest, and lower back must also be present.

Pain at 11 out of 18 tender points must be present when pressure is applied to the area. See picture below.

Fibromyalgia pain can be explained in many ways; Burning, cramping, sharp, pressure, aching, soreness, stabbing, and stiffness to name a few.

Persons with Fibromyalgia may experience recurrent tension and migraine headaches. We may have muscle stiffness and cramping. We may also have fatigue, extreme exhaustion, and the feeling that our body is going through a flu-like illness. These feelings are not relieved by rest. Stressful events, physical and/or mental can also exacerbate our fatigue/exhaustion.

Persons with Fibromyalgia may also suffer, as Shomon explains on page 70 of her book, with what some call post-exertional malaise. This literally means that after a period of physical activity, we can become physically sick. We can experience muscle pain, fatigue, and exhaustion after exertion. This feeling may last for 24 hours or more.

Fibromites (as some chose to call those diagnosed with fibromyalgia) can also experience sleep difficulties. Personally, I have terrible insomnia, which makes my fatigue that much worse. We can also experience, as quoted by Shomon:

v Morning fog

v Sleep apnea- (our breathing stopping while we sleep)

v Sleep myoclonus-nighttime jerking, jumping, and spasming of arms and legs (me, me!!!)

v Restless leg syndrome

v Unrefreshing sleep

v Frequent waking during the night

v Trouble falling back to sleep

v Insomnia

v Nightmares

v Night sweats

v Frequent nighttime urination

v Early waking

There are many other important symptoms to look for, such as vaginal pain, depression and anxiety, skin tenderness, and cognitive difficulties such as memory loss, impaired attention span, difficulty concentrating (brain fog) and an impaired ability to learn new information. I would recommend reading the book pictured below, which is where much of this information was received.

Links to books that I have found extremely helpful




Richards, K.L. (3/16/2009). History of fibromyalgia. Retrieved from

Shomon, M.J. (2004), Living Well With Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishing Inc.